Disclaimer: If you are under age, one of those people who can’t read or talk about sex as if it’s not a part of human life, or a “Super Christian” whose mouth drops open when someone says sex of any type and all things related: don’t read past this line and if you do well…read at your own risk.

If you’re reading this blog, make sure you purchase my new book, One Flesh: The Handy-Dandy Celibacy Workbook! Make sure you also read my disclaimer and synopsis here

My dear readers, celibate siblings, and those in between…

It’s been almost a month since I’ve posted in the enlightening Single, Saved, and Celibate Series. Between conviction and commitment, this blog post has taken a little longer than usual. Fret not! I am here now and I am ready to dive into to this very complicated, opinionated topic.

When I first began my road to celibacy, I tried to find loopholes. It’s like I wanted everything except vaginal sex. I wanted oral sex or “head” as we sometimes call it. I wanted to kiss, cuddle, foreplay, all-a-dat. So, I did. Oral sex wasn’t frequent for me, but that devil was surely present.

Okay right here is when people hit me with the, “Aww you’re not really celibate! You might as well just have sex” line.

Am I disappointed in succumbing to oral sex while celibate? Yes. Was I convicted as a Christian who chose to walk the celibate journey for having oral sex? Hell yes! My conviction came about a year ago when I received oral sex (because most of it was receiving) and I felt terrible afterwards. The same feeling of being used came upon me as that awkward moment of what’s next filled the room. It wasn’t even someone I actually dated or saw myself dating, but he was and still is a really good friend. Literally, a homeboy with no desire for further promotion.

After that really annoying, awkward moment, God and I had a deep discussion. I promised Him and myself that I would not fall for the “good head” trap anymore. I’m sorry Saints but I am a lover of the male tongue. Again, I’m human with fleshly desires. You are too so stop judging me.  Your child did not come into this world by immaculate conception. I am here to teach a lesson from my fallenness. If you are celibate or thinking of becoming celibate, please know that oral sex is sex too. It’s all SEX!

Sexual immorality is oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, pornography, masturbation (the struggle), fornication, and anything sexually related. There are no loopholes to celibacy or sexual impurity. If you are going to make the true commitment to God, then do it completely. You are going to make mistakes, sin, and backslide every now and then. The lesson is in repenting for it, forgiving yourself, and change going forward. I admire babies when they first learn to walk because they fall down and get right back up. I think this analogy is what we should all live by. In my three years, one month, and ten days of celibacy I’ve made many mistakes. I’m not perfect. If you have followed my writings, blogs, and books then you will know I have no shame in my game. I tell my story in fact, not fiction. People are going to judge regardless, so why not have integrity about who you are.

I have not once fallen to the temptation of vaginal sex with a man in three years, one month, and ten days (I am going to keep reiterating that lengthy time frame) and that is something I am proud of. Not many people, especially any in my life can tell me they can do that. Most of my friends don’t even want to think about it and just tell me “Girl bless you.”

Success can’t be reached without growth. I’ve grown over the years I have been in this journey and you will too. It sounds harder than it is.

Listen. I’m still fighting the spirit of masturbation.

To be continued…

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