The one thing I will never be is a “cover up Queen”. Okay maybe I’ll cover up a pimple or two, which very rarely happens because I’m too lazy. But when it comes to the struggles of life, my sometimes I can be a bitch emotions, and the fact that I’m broke…as…hell, there is no cover up for me. I lay it all out on my blog, books, or journal. People respect my honesty and look to me for authenticity. And as always…I give what the people want!

I wrote this poem on March 4, 2016, just 10 days before my father’s 12th homegoing anniversary.

Truth Is by Maranda Evans

The truth is hard to admit sometimes

But sometimes what we need is the truth

The cold, hard, truth...

Truth is I'm weak

Truth is I'm struggling

Truth is I'm sad

Truth is I miss my dad

Truth is I still suffer from my past

Truth is I'm not healed

Truth is I need help

Truth is I still cry

Truth is I don't know why

Truth is I still try

Truth is I want to give up 

Truth is I'm not enough

Truth is I feel unloved

Truth is I feel like everyone's hero 

Truth is I need to be saved

Truth is I pray

Truth is even though I'm brave

Truth is I'm still afraid

Truth is this is my cold, hard, truth...

At a time where I was becoming the published author I never expected to be and speaking to people I never thought I would speak to about experiences I never thought I would tell, this is how I truly felt. I was scared, tired, worried, hurt from losing my last grandfather and male figure the year before, my grandmother was sick and in a nursing home. I WAS TO’ UP FROM THA FLO’ UP!

But nobody could tell…

I can only go so long with a filter of happiness on my face. I get too hot and start ripping it off with words. Which is how we got here.

Yes. I feel successful and accomplished at 25 years old.

Yes. I’m a published author inspiring writers to become authors, founder of a non-profit, two degree having accountant with businesses as clients, and motivator of the young peeps.

Yes. God is wonderful and I pray every night for myself, my loved ones, and even my enemies (because they need love too).

Yes…. yes…YES!!!! It all feels, looks, and smells good.

BUT. At the same time. . .

Yes. I have on average $5.00 in my bank account for the past 6 months and it seems like everybody wants money for something (including Bob the Bill Man).

Yes. I get mad and frustrated just about every day, most of the day.

Yes. If it wasn’t for my therapist I would be in the psych ward or jail.

Yes. My family makes me miss my deceased grandmother even more.

Yes. I cry at least 3-4 times a week (but they ALWAYS end up being praise sessions).

Yes. The Troubled Movement has its downturns because we’re small and black-owned.

I mean I can go all day on the things I’m struggling with RIGHT NOW.

I always feel bad for complaining, worrying, and being sad about my situation when I have so much to be happy about. Why can’t I be excited about my accomplishments instead of focusing on what I haven’t done or what I still need to do. My therapist even asked me if I feel like what I’ve done are true accomplishments that I’m happy about. Don’t get me wrong I thank God daily, really hourly. I just have a bad habit of not being satisfied and believing I can do more…do better. And I’m really humble, probably too humble if there was ever such a thing.

The point is successful people struggle too. It may not look like it but between the pressure, cost of creating/building, trials and tribulations, tests from God, the devil’s schemes, celibacy, bae-less for four years, insomnia I’ve had for over three years, friends I can’t make time for, situational depression, anxiety disorder, an affection-less family and granny with no filter, and a 15-color calendar that has more responsibilities than I want....

PRAY FOR ME CHER!

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