WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS GRAPHIC DETAILS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

So, as you guys may or may not know, I began my YouTube channel, “Motivation With ME” two months ago. If you don’t know, now you know so subscribe here.

Clearly, I am behind on my blog because I do so many things in life that something will always get put on the back burner. Between my current life situation and a comment, I received on one of my blogs, I knew it was time to get back to writing (Book 3 Coming Soon…). I want to specifically do a series on Child Sexual Abuse for my Elements of ME Blog and YouTube vlog.

What is child sexual abuse?

Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse that includes sexual activity with a minor. A child cannot consent to any form of sexual activity, period. When a perpetrator engages with a child this way, they are committing a crime that can have lasting effects on the victim for years. Child sexual abuse does not need to include physical contact between a perpetrator and a child. Some forms of child sexual abuse include:

·       Exhibitionism, or exposing oneself to a minor

·       Fondling

·       Intercourse

·       Masturbation in the presence of a minor or forcing the minor to masturbate

·       Obscene phone calls, text messages, or digital interaction

·       Producing, owning, or sharing pornographic images or movies of children

·       Sex of any kind with a minor, including vaginal, oral, or anal

·       Sex trafficking

·       Any other sexual conduct that is harmful to a child's mental, emotional, or physical welfare

https://www.rainn.org/articles/child-sexual-abuse

Before I begin, if you or anyone you know has experienced or is experiencing child abuse, please reach out to your local police department or the National Child Abuse Hotline at 800.4.A.CHILD (422-4453), any time 24/7.

Now, let’s begin with my own experience shall we. Around this time last year, I did an article for Voyage Houston magazine where I finally released my stepfather as my abuser for those who don’t know (Read article here). In my first book, Troubled, I masked his identity in an effort to protect my mother (who remains married to him) and his daughter, who was a teenager at the time of the book release.

It wasn’t until my stepsister and nephew came to live with me that she admitted to knowing about my childhood sexual abuse since she witnessed it at 7 years old. While I thought sleeping with his daughter would protect me from my tremendous nightly fondling, it didn’t.

“Wait what?! Who told you that?” I responded to my sister as my heart dropped to the floor. My sister has never read my books, nor does my family discuss this situation.

She knew because she was awake and saw, heard, and witnessed everything going on in that household. Even though I wasn’t protected then, God said, “I got you now.”

After her admission, I knew it was time to finally tell my truth, MY WHOLE TRUTH, and nothing but the truth. I began to speak about my child molestation publicly, continuously naming my stepfather as my abuser. After 13 years of silence, I finally stopped trying to protect everyone and learned to protect myself.

93% of child sex abuse victims know their attackers be it a family member (#1), friend of the family, teachers, or friend. I am a part of that 93%. For almost a year I suffered in silence every night, at the cold and disgusting hands of my stepfather touching my barely formed body parts while I slept (or so he thought). A rub of the nipple there, a finger graze across the vagina here, and eventually a bold enough suck of the nipple.

Disgusting…horrifying…angry…sadness…right? If that’s how you felt reading it, I felt 10x as bad experiencing it.

It’s engraved in my mind forever. Images I can’t let go. Places of my body that still can’t be touched. Literally I lost my shit when a previous boyfriend touched my nipple with that thumb and pointer finger squeeze. I still sleep on my stomach or my side with my hands across my chest, unintentionally. I hug older men from the side, so my body won’t touch theirs. I could go on and on about the trauma I feel as an adult from what happened to me as a child, but I’ll save some for my future writings.

Promise me you won’t feel bad for me. I am strong. I always have been. I’ve told this story so many times I can say it in my sleep. I share my testimony with boldness, courage, and power. Abusers take away your power in the moment, but God’s power always supersedes it.

I know what you’re thinking. Where was your family? Your mom? Did they know?

I’m glad you asked…

Stay tuned for more information on my story, child sex abuse in families, adult survivors affected by child sex abuse, ways to prevent child sex abuse, and more. I will also be following up on my YouTube channel so subscribe here NOW!

Side note: I found a website on child sexual abuse that is everything I need. Visit, like, and follow The Mama Bear Affect here. In the spring of 2015, The Mama Bear Effect, received exciting news that our proposal for the first awareness ribbon for the prevention of child sexual abuse was approved by the United States Trademark & Patent Office. See their ribbon below.

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watch the youtube video for more on this topic

Helping Survivors is an organization on a mission to help heal, educate, and empower people who have been impacted by sexual assault and abuse. We help survivors of Uber/Lyft sexual assault, workplace sexual harassment, and institutional based sexual assault. We provide individuals with accurate, trustworthy and up-to-date information regarding their legal, financial, and healthcare options for individuals after experiencing sexual assault and abuse. Visit there website here.