Child Sex Abuse Series: Releasing Your Silence

So far in this Child Sex Abuse Series, we’ve discussed my personal experience with child sex abuse and the aftermath it causes. Now let’s get to the hard part…

Releasing the silence!

I haven’t questioned God very much in my life because I’ve always felt like everything happens for a reason. However, there have been times where I thought, “God let me be sexually abused not once, but twice before I turned 18. Both consistently and one-time. Both disgustingly drawn out and brutal.” It wasn’t until I started talking about my abuse that I saw why it happened. You see God knows us better than we know ourselves. He plans our lives before we are even formed in the womb. So, He knew that my voice would be powerful, and that I would be strong enough to go through abuse and then speak on it. He knew that I would change lives with my story…

When children are abused in any form especially sexually, it’s hard for them to comprehend what is happening. The younger a child is, the easier it is for an abuser to manipulate them. They think they’re going to get in trouble for it or that no one would believe them because they’re “just a kid”. I know that was what I thought. In my eyes, my mother had finally found love. Who was I to ruin that? Especially after seeing what she went through to get there. So…I held it in.

I could’ve screamed. I could’ve told my aunt, uncle, grandparents, and even my mother, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t process what was happening to me, I just knew I was scared. Really scared.

I reached out to the closest person to me, my older cousin Ashley. Even when I told her, it was like I was telling her irrelevant preteen gossip. I begged her not to say anything. Thank God she did! Though nobody jumped to my defense, it put the abuse to an end for a little while and I felt better knowing someone other than me and my stepfather knew.

Whether you are a child sex abuse victim, an adult child sex abuse survivor, a parent, or someone who is around children reading this, hear me clearly: TELL SOMEONE!!

If you don’t know where to start or who to tell, here are some tips from my personal experience:

1.     Ask God who. Although you may feel alone majority of the time. There is someone in your life that God placed there for a reason. Pray and ask God to reveal that person to you. Let it be someone you trust beyond a reasonable doubt. Someone you know won’t judge you but protect you. Someone who will care and empathize with you. Whether it be a friend, family member, counselor, teacher, or even a stranger; you can only know if you ask God…who?

2.     Start small. It took me 8 years to speak out publicly about my child sex abuse. Even when I first released it, it was in my first book that released in 2014. I didn’t start speaking verbally about it until 2015-2016. Don’t think you have to start an abuse rally or social media live video about your abuse. Start small. Especially if no one knows. Start with talking about it with your close friends or family members…that you know will be there for you. In other words,…find your Ashley!

3.     Go to therapy, group or individual. I don’t know how much I can stress the benefits of therapy. I wish I would’ve gone much earlier, like when I was still a teenager. Talking to a licensed medical professional who is unbiased helps you understand not only what happened, but what you can do to heal from it.

4.     File a police report. Now this one took me 14 years. When your abuser is a family member or someone close, the biggest fear is “getting them in trouble”. As a child, it is the responsibility of your parent, guardian, or an adult to go to the proper authorities regarding your abuse. If you’re an adult like me, it may take some time, but I PROMISE YOU the weight that is lifted from your shoulders is worth it. When I walked out of that police station, I felt FREE! I was happier than I’d ever been. I had to get to a point where I was strong in my faith, mind, and body to go up against my abuser, my family, and everyone who didn’t protect me. Don’t stress yourself, trust me the time will come. God will guide you and you’ll know in that moment, it’s not you but Him. Though our justice system has many flaws, there isn’t a statute of limitations on continuous child sex abuse in Texas. Continuous is defined as 2 or more times.

According to Texas sex offense law, a person over the age of 17 commits the criminal act of continuous sexual assault of a minor if they engage in two or more acts of sexual abuse, within a 30-day period, with a child (or multiple children) under the age of 14. (https://www.nealdavislaw.com/sex-crime-lawyer/child-sexual-assault-continuous.html)

I strongly suggest you research your state’s laws on child sex abuse. The statistics of unreported sex abuse, child or adult, is extremely high. For every person that reports, we can decrease that percentage. I always tell my teens what’s right and wrong when it comes to their bodies, relationships, and life. I thank God they come to me about everything. They trust me because I don’t hold back my own experiences.

As always, I will go into more detail in my next YouTube video. Click here to subscribe and watch my previous videos.

Break Free. Speak Your Truth. Release the Silence.

I am here with you and praying for you every step of the way.

watch the youtube video for more on this topic

Note: When commenting on blog posts via mobile device, there will be what looks like a login screen. Just enter your name and click "comment as guest" to post comments. Love you all!

Helping Survivors is an organization on a mission to help heal, educate, and empower people who have been impacted by sexual assault and abuse. We help survivors of Uber/Lyft sexual assault, workplace sexual harassment, and institutional based sexual assault. We provide individuals with accurate, trustworthy and up-to-date information regarding their legal, financial, and healthcare options for individuals after experiencing sexual assault and abuse. Visit there website here.