Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Breaking Toxic Ties
Disclaimer: If you are under age, one of those people who can’t read or talk about sex as if it’s not a part of human life, or a “Super Christian” whose mouth drops open when someone says sex of any type and all things related: don’t read past this line and if you do well…read at your own risk.
Wow! When I started this series in January 2018, I didn’t think it would be as popular as it is. I mean…it’s celibacy. Who wants to talk about that in today’s culture? I’m amazed at how many women and MEN have come to me for advice on being celibate. I’m a firm believer of everything happening for God’s reason, but 6 years of singleness can be frustrating. As I celebrate year 6, at first, I was upset about it. After fasting, I heard God tell me, “You’ve been single this long because it was the only way for you to fulfill your calling. Now it’s time for you to help others.”
I mean as a Motivator…that’s what I do right.
So, let’s get into toxic soul ties and how to break them. I received this question from someone on Instagram. Anonymity is my thing so don’t be afraid to ask me anything.
How do you break a soul tie that caused you to break your celibacy?
Well if it caused you to break your celibacy then it’s obviously a toxic soul tie. Let me first state that if you do break your celibacy vow…start over. God forgives all things and Jesus died on the cross as a sacrifice for the sins we commit. If He can forgive you, then you can surely forgive yourself. Celibacy is a difficult journey. You will be tempted. You will slip. You will make all the mistakes you swore you wouldn’t make. You will find loopholes, better yet create them. I know I did.
Anyway, back to the point. I responded to the question with a simple answer. In order to break a toxic tie with a man or woman, you have to revert back to your relationship with God. If your relationship with God isn’t strong, the devil will win by sending you temptation in human form. He gives you what you think you need. He’s so sexy your mouth drools at the sight of his Instagram photo. His charm tickles your insides, and don’t get me started on the, “let me just stick it in one time.” I’ve been there more times than I can count. However, my relationship with God is what allows me to stand firm.
Is it easy? HELL NO!
Every night I pray, “Lord I am in a season of singleness and celibacy. Sometimes, I want to give up. Just one time can ruin the 4 years I’ve committed to refraining from sex. I need you to give me strength to get through this. I know that there is a man that You created just for me. Until you make Him known to me, I will continue in this journey of focusing on Your love and comfort.”
Once I do that, I feel better. I can’t and won’t tell you that you’ll wake up tomorrow and say, “Fuck it! I’m cutting him (or her) off. I can’t deal with this toxic energy.” It may take time and there isn’t anything wrong with that. Instead of dwelling on how big of failure you are or how stupid you feel for falling for someone not worth your time, work on changing your situation and most importantly YOURSELF.
Practice makes perfect. I went from having sex with every man walking to not having sex at all. But it wasn’t simple. It’s still not. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Anything in life that’s simple or easy isn’t worth having. Just like you have to work to achieve everything else: career goals, self-esteem, life goals, travel goals, being successful, finding your purpose; you have to work to focus on and do God’s calling, not the negative thoughts of your single celibacyness (yes I just made that word up because it’s a thing).
Homework (because I always give it): Analyze and reflect on the people in your life. Matter of fact write it down if you have to. Draw a vertical line on a page. On one side, write “Ugh toxic bye” and on the other side write “They’re good for me”, or whatever words you choose. Then write down names of people in each column according to how their presence makes you feel. Now reflect on this list and think about what you’re going to do to make two lists one.
Another thing to do. Purge your contacts and social media. I do this at least every few months. If they post things I don’t agree with, call women “bitches”, post what could be mistaken as porn, has the grammar of a 5-year old, complain too much, or I haven’t talked to them in years (contacts), then I delete them. Period.
You control the energy around you and if it’s not positivity, “86 that shit!”
I’m praying for you. Break free. Focus on yourself. Most importantly, go to the Creator and Ruler of your life.
Make sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel, Motivation with ME, here. I will be making this a vlog series as well. If you would like to submit a question, follow and message me on Instagram @elementsofme or submit your question, comment, or concern here (that includes prayer requests people).
To purchase my newly released Celibacy Workbook, One Flesh, visit www.victorianpublishing.com/bookstore and use the code BLOGFAN for 25% off. I’m offering a discount to my awesome blog readers :)
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