Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Couple Celibacy
A male friend of mine reached out to me because as he was googling celibacy, my blog came up. Skipping the part of the conversation that is for one none of your business, he told me that him and his girlfriend decided to be celibate until their wedding day. I asked a few questions, mainly on faith and spirituality. But it got me thinking…that’s a really good topic for my blog.
Celibacy is already complex with just one person doing it. In a relationship, it’s twice as hard. Here’s why:
1. Nine times out of ten you’ve had sex already. It’s harder to refrain from something you’ve already experienced than something you’ve never had. For example, if I drink coffee but I’ve never had tea, it’s harder for me to refrain from the coffee than the tea. I hate tea by the way. Same thing goes for you and your partner. There’s a HUGE risk by not knowing what your partner’s sex game is like before you get married, however it’s also harder to think about or imagine. If I KNOW for a fact that my partner’s sex game is the shit, then as his celibate girlfriend I’m going to keep thinking about it. Probably sweating from withdrawals too…
2. Both parties are not the same. Couple’s celibacy HAS TO BE A MUTUAL AGREEMENT! I can’t stress that enough. One partner can’t decide for the other. One partner shouldn’t agree to it to make the other one happy. You will regret it later…trust me. I strongly advise both partners seek wise, outside counsel together and separately before making that move. Celibacy is more about the mind than the body. Yes, you’re body is the sacrifice but without a strong mind you WILL NOT survive the celibate journey.
3. Cohabitation will be the death of you. If you’re practicing celibacy as a couple, I strongly suggest you change what you’ve been doing which is probably spending every other night together. Damn near living together. Cohabiting. This is temptation at it’s finest. The temptation is even stronger when you’re with someone or love them. No offense fellas, but it’s especially hard for y’all.
Maranda how do you know? Because I’ve been there. Let’s just say just because I’ve been single 6 years doesn’t mean there hasn’t been a man in my bed. Some of them avoid me because they feel like it’s impossible to be near a gorgeous, sexy, beautiful, intelligent (okay enough about me) person without being able to have sex with them, then or later. Some try to test me and FAIL every time. The anger of a horny man is both funny and saddening. Some can handle it a few times. Some can handle it longer and don’t care. I’ve seen it all.
Most times I just get friend-zoned which is perfectly fine with me because one of us were bound to do it eventually. I have more male friends than female friends and I prefer it to be that way. That’s a whole blog topic in itself.
Which is why I always tell the truth up front and give the disclaimer: the only f***k**g going on over here is in the mind, so you enter at your own risk.
Back to the point…couple’s celibacy is tough but possible. I’ve seen people who failed at it, succeeded at it, got married then divorced because of it, and lived happily ever after doing it. It can go any and either way. Everybody is different. Every situation is different. Being celibate and single just makes it hard to find someone, but being a celibate couple tests the strength of your relationship. No sex ruins your hormones people. I wasn’t born this bitchy. It makes your tolerance low, fuse shorter, appetite changes, mood imbalances. Whew chile! Nevertheless, it’s attainable. Single or not.
I did a social media poll while writing this and asked single people only, “Can you lay in the bed with the opposite sex multiple times without sex?” Yes, No, Depends on the person. I received roughly 80% YES and 20% NO. All male votes were in the 80%. Okay fellas!!
I will be bringing back my YouTube channel and starting this vlog series soon (sorry vacation first). Make sure you subscribe now (CLICK ME) so you will be ready to watch.
To purchase my newly released Celibacy Workbook, One Flesh, visit www.victorianpublishing.com/bookstore and use the code BLOGFAN for 25% off. I’m offering a discount to my awesome blog readers :)
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