Sep 16

Sep 16 Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Masturbation...Everyone's Answer

Disclaimer: If you are under age, one of those people who can’t read or talk about sex as if it’s not a part of human life, or a “Super Christian” whose mouth drops open when someone says sex of any type and all things related: don’t read past this line and if you do well…read at your own risk.

Disclaimer 2: I am not promoting celibacy, sexual misbehavior, or trying to convert people in any way. I’m just sharing on what I know based on my experience because…duh that’s what I do.

If you’re reading this blog, make sure you purchase my new book, One Flesh: The Handy-Dandy Celibacy Workbook! Make sure you also read my disclaimer and synopsis here

Purchase One Flesh

So here we are…the topic people avoid but actually do.

Masturbation - stimulation of the genitals with the hand for sexual pleasure.

One of the MOST common answers or question I get is, “So do you masturbate?” or “You should masturbate.” Literally, this is what I get from people when I tell them I’m celibate.

So, do I masturbate? Yes!

Let’s be adults here. You know the sexual beings that we really are. I don’t have statistics to back this up nor do I care to look them up, but I can almost promise you that everybody has masturbated or will masturbate at least once in their life. Y’all know me. I have no problem telling the truth and spilling the beans on myself. I actually think I lost my virginity before I experienced masturbation because of course back then we didn’t have as many resources or access to porn like we do now.

Note to parents: Don’t leave your sex toys anywhere your kids can reach or have access to. Sorry mom! Lmao.

Okay seriously…the real question here, is masturbation going against celibacy? Yes and no. First let’s look at two viewpoints.

From a biblical view, masturbation is considered a sin when thoughts of lust are formed. Toys or not your mind is definitely lusting.

From scientific view, masturbation is healthy and is a normal act performed by men and women to help relieve stress amongst other things.

The thing about celibacy is everyone does it in their own way. We create our own rules. We decide what our limits are. We decide our intentions. So, I can’t speak for everyone in regards to celibacy because it ultimately depends on you and your reasoning (or you and God). Some people consider celibacy to refrain from sex and marriage entirely (umm not I). Masturbation doesn’t break your vow, but it is definitely not something you want to do if you want to be 100% fully committed and connected to God in a spiritual way.

To go four years without sex is already hard enough (not to mention it rips your hormones to shreds), but to not do anything sexually (masturbation, oral sex/OUTERcourse) is a battle even I can’t win. Masturbation feels good in the moment, but for people like me there is a conviction that comes with that. A small feeling of guilt. Same goes for oral sex.

Celibacy comes with flaws, risks, temptations, setbacks, and so much more. The part you have to focus on is the WHY. Why are you celibate? Why do you want to be celibate? What are your intentions? If it’s not so that you can grow spiritually (#1) and find a better way to connect with potential partners (like mental intimacy), then celibacy may not be for you.

A friend of mine asked me a question the other day (Hey Keisha!). She asked, “What have you accomplished being celibate?”

My response in short, “Everything.”

See my weakness was always men. Again, read my first book Troubled (shameless plug to order here). I knew that if I didn’t take away the one thing that always distracted me, I’d never accomplish what I envisioned for myself. There would be no Troubled Movement, no master’s degree, no Elements of ME, LLC, no publishing and editing other books, no accounting clients, no entrepreneurship, no speaking engagements and article features. In order to do God’s will for my life, I had to focus completely on Him. At the time, a stronger spiritual life and reaching my goals was all I thought about and wanted ( which I still do amongst other things).

Plus, I was tired of being a heart-broken hoe (shrugs), a sexually abused one at that.

Now am I saying you can’t reach your goals if you’re not celibate? NOT AT ALL! I just know myself and what I needed to do.

Am I going to stop masturbating? Probably not.

I have not had sexual INTERcourse since before February 8, 2015 and I am still a fully-committed celibate woman. Don’t let anyone condemn you for mistakes you’ve made regarding celibacy. Only God can judge you, and if it isn’t Him speaking to you, you do not have to listen.

Don’t fall for the, “Well you had oral sex so technically you’re not celibate.” Or “You masturbate so how is that “godly” since you’re supposed to be celibate.” Trust I’ve heard all the comments and they mainly come from people who are upset you won’t sleep with them.

Your celibacy vow is between you and God. Whether you masturbate or eat too much (gluttony), sin is sin and we do it every day. Repent and work hard to do better.

I’m a subscriber of Psychology Today magazine, check out this interesting article I found regarding Facts & Myths on Masturbation: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/married-and-still-doing-it/201709/6-facts-and-myths-about-masturbation

To purchase my newly released Celibacy Workbook, One Flesh, visit www.victorianpublishing.com/bookstore and use the code BLOGFAN for 25% off. I’m offering a discount to my awesome blog readers :)

watch the youtube video for more on this topic!

Next topic: Celibacy Within Relationships

Note: When commenting on blog posts via mobile device, there will be what looks like a login screen. Just enter your name and click "comment as guest" to post comments. Love you all!