All tagged Journey through Celibacy
I used to believe the myth that most of the things we have PTSD over or fear will happen again, never do. Yeah that’s a bunch of bullshit to me now. 11 years since my rape and here we go again. I’ll let you take a minute because it’s about three people who know about this, so it’s going to come as a shock…
A male friend of mine reached out to me because as he was googling celibacy, my blog came up. Skipping the part of the conversation that is for one none of your business, he told me that him and his girlfriend decided to be celibate until their wedding day. I asked a few questions, mainly on faith and spirituality. But it got me thinking…that’s a really good topic for my blog.
Disclaimer: If you are under age, one of those people who can’t read or talk about sex as if it’s not a part of human life, or a “Super Christian” whose mouth drops open when someone says sex of any type and all things related: don’t read past this line and if you do well…read at your own risk.
Disclaimer 2: I am not promoting celibacy, sexual misbehavior, or trying to convert people in any way. I’m just sharing on what I know based on my experience because…duh that’s what I do.
So here we are…the topic people avoid but actually do.
Masturbation - stimulation of the genitals with the hand for sexual pleasure.
One of the MOST common answers or question I get is, “So do you masturbate?” or “You should masturbate.” Literally, this is what I get from people when I tell them I’m celibate.
So, do I masturbate? Yes!
Wow! When I started this series in January 2018, I didn’t think it would be as popular as it is. I mean…it’s celibacy. Who wants to talk about that in today’s culture? I’m amazed at how many women and MEN have come to me for advice on being celibate.
So, let’s get into toxic soul ties and how to break them. I received this question from someone on Instagram. Anonymity is my thing so don’t be afraid to ask me anything.
How do you break a soul tie that caused you to break your celibacy?
Disclaimer: If you are under age, one of those people who can’t read or talk about sex as if it’s not a part of human life, or a “Super Christian” whose mouth drops open when someone says sex of any type and all things related: don’t read past this line and if you do well…read at your own risk.
My dear readers, celibate siblings, and those in between…
It’s been almost a month since I’ve posted in the enlightening Single, Saved, and Celibate Series. Between conviction and commitment, this blog post has taken a little longer than usual. Fret not! I am here now and I am ready to dive into to this very complicated, opinionated topic.
When I first began my road to celibacy, I tried to find loopholes. It’s like I wanted everything except vaginal sex. I wanted oral sex or “head” as we sometimes call it. I wanted to kiss, cuddle, foreplay, all-a-dat. So, I did. Oral sex wasn’t frequent for me, but that devil was surely present.
Okay right here is when people hit me with the, “Aww you’re not really celibate! You might as well just have sex” line.
FIRST, HAPPY THREE-YEAR CELIBACY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!
It’s been a looonnngggg time coming. Cheers to the unknown number of years to come.
I’ve often received the question, of course from inquiring men studying the vow that I’ve taken, “What if you get engaged? Will you have sex with your fiancé since you know you guys are going to be married?”
No!
My answer is always no. There are no “work-arounds” to celibacy. The celibate vow is until marriage. Marriage has been entered after the Officiant says, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Then and only then will my celibate journey end. Just because you are engaged to someone doesn’t give a 100% guarantee you’ll get married.
Satan is that you?
I usually say this statement to myself when I feel like I am being tempted. Whether it be through a fine, delicious looking man or something else I know I can’t have. You see the devil tempts everyone differently. The seed of your temptation is planted in your weaknesses. My weakness, for a long time, was men. If you’ve read my first book, Troubled, you will remember that nearly every chapter was a new man and a new heartache.
While I don’t recommend just blurting out “I’m celibate!” to every man you meet, I do believe that it should be said upfront before the friendship gets too far or you get stuck in that awkward moment of what would be intimacy. By telling a man you’re celibate before the conversation of sex and intimacy takes place, you make the assumption that all men want sex from you. While this is true 90% of the time, it can be rude to someone who doesn’t have sex on the brain.
Today’s blog post for the Single, Saved, and Celibate Series was requested by an Instagram follower and I think that it is VERY important to speak on.
Peer Pressure!
So, you’ve made the choice to become celibate in today’s society filled with SEX. You MUST be crazy! You’re weird. Who does that? I’ve gotten those comments along with many others. I’m fortunate enough in life to not care about people’s opinions of me or my choices. I look at like this. It’s MY LIFE! Are you Maranda Moné Evans born on September 1, 1992 to Randy Evans and Melissa Pickens? No. Are you the God who wakes me up every morning? No.
When I took my vow February 8, 2015 to be celibate (the state of voluntarily being unmarried, sexually abstinent, or both, usually for religious reasons), I didn’t think about my past of sexual assault. But leave it to Ms. Alex...my wonderful, loving therapist to make me think...connect...and most of all heal.
